Principles on making Marriage Work.
Nowadays in our society a lot of marriages are failing badly and the divorce rate is increasing rapidly in our country, it creates a lot of apprehension in the younger generation to opt in for a married life, Instead many of us are thinking to adopt the new age phenomenon of leading a single life. We see today we often come up with examples of people from the west who are leading a good successful single life ”the so called ever happening life full of freedom”, however do we ever realise that the west today is appreciating and adopting what our culture is, We see a cult towards Yoga, Meditation and Veganism in countries like UK and USA.
Have we ever realised why they are going gaga over our rich culture,heritage and traditions? The reason is what our saints taught us was the ultimate truth to lead a contented life, the life full of meaning and the life which describes the basic meaning of our existence, the questions here arises do these saints not marry.
The answer is that the greatest of the saints who came on this earth opted in for married life, Even all the Gods and Goddesses that we worship today were married, So there must be a reason why there is a lot of emphasis given on marriage , The reason is simple that it gives a purpose to one’s life and without purpose the life of a human will always remain incomplete.
These saints also paved the way for all of us to lead a successful married life, so let us understand some of the principles of Making our Marriage work :
1) The Principle Of Monogamy : The very first basic principle to make your marriage work is to become a ”one woman man” for the guy and for the girl it is to become a ”one man woman”, this principle seems to be very cliched and common but it is the most difficult one to follow, the origin of this principle comes from Ramayana, Lord Rama paved the path of this principle where he adopted to marry one woman when he had the privilege of keeping multiple wives, He wanted to set the example for all of us that’s why he adopted monogamy.
2) The Principle Of Communication : The reason why marriages fail today is that couples are failing to communicate clearly and effectively with each other, the moment the communication gap happens it leads to rifts and misunderstandings , the solution is simple that is to “talk”, let everything come out in a polite manner, Just for example if girl is facing some issues with in laws and she opts out not to talk with her husband, it will lead to long term problems where the girl will infuse negativity inside her for her in laws. Although not talking about the problem might not affect in the short term and will seem okay but it will drastically impact relationships in the long run. So the solution is to let your partner know how you are feeling in a very polite way and take the discussion to the solution rather than focusing on problem, If we choose not to talk about issues the issues will increase and a lot of clutter and baggage will be stored inside our mind that’s why communication is the very important principle to make our marriage work.,
Communication not only means talking about negative issues, it rather emphasizes talking positive, the solution is to not hide your feelings, Communication is about building a sense of trust with your partner, Communication is about helping each other, understanding each other, Communication is about letting your egos aside and talking.
3) The Principle Of Effective Usage Of Technology : We are are failing to utilise technology for our betterment rather we are using it for our destruction, the basic common principle to make any marriage work is to keep aside your smartphone, ipdas , tablets and value the physical presence of our partner. With access to social media at our fingertips we start comparing our lives as couples with other couples and fail to realise that every relationship is different and Facebook, Instagram only depict the good side of life of a particular couple. So what we should focus on is to become a better version of ourselves as couples rather than becoming a destructive version of ourselves by comparing ourselves. Technology can also be used for our betterment and it can also become a means to enhance the quality of our relationships as it gives us an opportunity to watch good valuable content, podcasts together, Technology can also act as a medium of bridging the communication gap where it gives us an opportunity to remain connected throughout the day for example a small message from the husband to the wife, ”how are you feeling” or ”how is your day going” can mend or bridge the collapsing relations, So if we utilise technology in an effective way, we can make our marriage work.
4) The principle of Treating Each Other As Equals: Gone are the days when a girl would sit at home and cook food or take care of the children, the concept of equality between partners is emerging and it is for our betterment as men to not expect ourselves as superior souls. As soon as the word “I’ is substituted with the word ‘WE” the marriage would work effectively.
5) The principle Of Providing Space To Each Other : Two human beings in this world are not same and as soon as we realisethat the choices, likings,hobbies of the partners will differ and we start providing space to each other to pursue what we like and start respecting each other’s passions and interests than the relationship will work effectively, for example a husband would like to spend time with friends as it gives him happiness and wife would like to involve herself in social work. As couples we should provide space to each other without hesitance to pursue what we like if we want to make the marriage work.
6) Principle of Saying “Sorry and Learning to Forgive : Human Beings are not perfect and as soon as we are willing to own our mistakes and willing to say sorry, the relationships will work beautifully and as partners as soon as we stop to hold on to other person’s mistake and are willing to forgive then the relationship will work.
7) Principle Of Respecting Each Other Parents : The moment couples create an intention to respect their spouse parents as they respect their own parents the marriage will work, As humans we never take anything on our heart even if our own parents abuse us and if we love them unconditionally , we need to think the same way for our spouse parents.
8) The principle of Care : As human beings, we are a bundle of negative emotions, hatred, ,grief, anger reside within us but one thing which can change these negative emotions is “Care”. The very nature of our soul is love, bliss and happiness and this nature has been overshadowed by negative emotions. When we see someone is caring for us and is wanting to keep us happy the soul becomes blissful and happy and if we are ourselves happy then only we can keep the other person happy that’s why care is considered to be very important factor to make a marriage work.
9) The principle of Creating Common Goals : Ascouples we need to find things with common interests so that intimacy in the relationship can increase, the goals could be very simple for example to walk 10,000 steps together or to cycle 3kms together, it just that when two souls work for a common purpose, the bond, trust, affection between them increase and the goals could as complex as to earn crores and crores of rupees, So when we form common goals we tend to understand the other person well, so for better understanding common goals should be created and is a very important factor to make the marriage work
10) The principle of Financial Understanding : Money has also become the major reason for failing relationships. As soon as a girl understands that every man wants to give a better financial life to his wife, the better it is. No one in this world want not to earn good money so supporting each other during bad financial times is the key to make marriage work.